That Is My Team: Matthew Burg

Let the 'Damo-is-black-so-he-needs-the-most-showers' jokes begin...

Name:

Matthew Burg

DOB:

31/12/1991

Position:

Center Midfield/Forward/Goalkeeper

Height/weight:

Tall/ not sure, probs about 75-80 kg

Nationality:

Australian, but one grandparent born in Italy and lived there for about 10 years, and another great grandparent from Germany

Previous clubs:

No previous clubs, I'm loyal to Lilli Pilli FC

Reason for leaving previous club:

N/A

Achievements/career highlights: A couple of premierships playing for Lilli Pilli, highlight was last years premiership and watching Will's grand final winning save

At what age did you begin your career in football?

Began in the under 6's or 7's

Current favourite song?

Gettin' over you, David Guetta/LMFAO

Favourite meal?

Lasagne

Who in the team takes the longest in the shower?

Obviously not Damien cause he is always so dirty, probably Paul or Michael cause they are so white and must spend a lot of time cleaning their skin, unlike damo

Biggest ego in the team?

Costa for sure, no need to explain

Team clown?

Damo cause the match reports are always pretty funny (or should I say punny, actually probably not)

Who requests the most prostitute visits?

Probably Kurtis, the past poll results indicate this

Do you think Pilli can win the premiership this season?

For sure, we have a gun team and we have beaten the top teams and have had close games with the others near the top. We just need to make sure that we turn up ready for the rest of the games cause when this happens we will beat any team

Plans for the future?
On the sporting side, hopefully continue to play football for Lilli Pilli FC in the same team for the next couple of years. I'm studying engineering at uni, which is pretty tough, which will take over 4 long years.

NEW: 'That's My Team'

Some here at the blog offices have concluded PilliBlog should tax NRL's 'That's My Team' campaign and put it to better use in the context of the real football. Hence we have signed up Will Clayden to sing a new, more impr...actually scrap that last part, version of the song. Though, even more important than absolutely obliterating your eardrums with Claydens vocals, is the introduction of this new segment of the blog entitled: 'That Is My Team'- where you will be able to get more intimate through a set of carefully devised, raw, uncensored and unedited interviews/player profiling.

So enjoy.

Note:

The contraction in 'That's My Team' has been dropped in an effort to subtly hint that we in football are more sophisticated, classy and proper. We will not gang rape you, group sex you, lose you 100 million consecutive state titles, convert to AFL or be racist...can't garauntee that last part since we just threw that in their for the sake of making the list look longer.

Just 'Aint Magpie Season

LPFC 21's played efficiently enough to overcome a boisterous Miranda Magpies side 2-0 on a temperate Saturday afternoon. Goals from Alex Poulos and Matthew Phipps were sufficient to hand Pilli a smash'n'grab three points.

Pilli commenced the game lacking flambouyant winger Fonseca and 'keeper Will Clayden due to an ankle and knee injury, respectively. Not-yet fully-recovered left back Paul Clark started on the bench as Pilli looked to keep their place in the top four, and depending on other results, move up the ladder.

Initially, both teams played a game of football as open as that of the legs of most of Kurtis' one-night stands - infact, the writer of this blog would even go as far to say that that sort of openess is not comparable to anything whatsoever.

Miranda gradually slipped into their groove and at times it was obvious who the home team was, with the Magpies playing some great first-touch football - which was probably encouraged by former player Claydens cheers for his old club.

It seemed everytime Pilli made an advance on Magpie territory they would be easily dispossessed and countered upon heavily with a three-man Miranda strikeforce who often lacked the finish, hence not testing Matthew Burg a.k.a. Burgster, Burger Bum, BB King, Burgy Wurgy, B-Dog, Northrop Grumman B-2 Spirit and/or Robert Green - in goals.

While Miranda appeared the better side and had Pilli on the back foot more often than not, it was the team with the green and gold jersey that struck first - blowing the game as wide open as...you get it. A pin point clearance from Michael Treacy looped over the heads of Magpie defenders and a speedy Alex Poulos a.k.a. P-Diddy, P-Money and/or Alexisonfire - latched on to the ball and either watched it roll in while shielding opposition players or took a weak shot to send it into the net. We will never know since Poulos was not on Facebook at the time of writing.

Pilli's opening goal seemed to shock the Magpies from the tree-tops as they struggled to re-eneter their groove. Pilli's attacks appeared slightly more dangerous thanks to some refined passing from maestro Jacob Healey a.k.a. Jacorbor (that really was a nickname for a while), Jay Sean, JJ Snacks, Gay Jay and/or Mr. Ugly. Both teams finished the halves tied up technically, yet Pilli boasted the only goal of the period.

After watching their injured 'keeper Will Clayden being assaulted by a unnamed lebanese man with a tub of hummus and excessive body hair during an inspirational half-time speech, Plli players took to the field.

The second period played out much like the first, with Miranda continuing their fast-paced football - though they were often halting with a superb defensive showing from Pilli right-back Jackson Versitano a.k.a. Vagina (once again that was an actual nickname), Versace, JV Financial Group and/or Verso. On a specific occassion Vagina intervened with a perfectly timed tackle to save Burg from having to deal with a one-on-one situation.

Remarkably, following an almost exact blue-print of the first half, Pilli sunk Magpie hearts with a second goal 10 minutes from time. A sparky Matthew Phipps a.k.a. these nicknames aren't funny anymore, took the goal-scoring opportunity as soon as it presented itself - like he has done many times before this season. An angled corner/cross flew in from Magpies' right only for it to be knocked around wildly in the 6-yard box before falling to an eager Phipps who snuck it home.

As the clock wound down Pilli held firm to deny Miranda any chance of swooping in for a late comeback. Incase you missed that pun read the previous sentence. Yeh I'm good and you know it.

Amazingly, the win leaves Pilli 4th on goal difference - meaning Poulos better score more goals or I will rip into him so much more in future blogs.

River Grab Undeserved Victory (yeh no puns I know, failure)

Reported By Robert Green

After two weekends of persistent downpour it seemed Lilli Pilli FC U21’s were keen to continue their unbeaten run that stretched all the way back to their second game of the season – when they were soundly beaten by an energetic Georges River side, the former of which they were up against now. A highly controversial match followed in which an ultimately ten-man Pilli side succumbed to a 4-3 defeat.

Lilli Pilli arrived to the match with what seemed a significantly depleted squad with the likes of Clayden, Foldi and Poulos all absent due to injury, muppetness and family matters (obvious who that is), respectively. Additionally, first team coach Dan Anderrson was also unavailable; with assistant coach Declan Tracey stepping in as care taker coach. Dean Thompson (Womaniser Jr.) was called up from the Berry youth development squad as cover for the missing squad members. Are those enough excuses for a loss or…?

LPFC U21’s, or Berry Bafana Bafana - as recently renamed in honour of the World Cup - began the contest eagerly, with the Bafana (yes I will be referring to them by this name for the rest of the article) side looking far superior in all aspects of the game. Bafana’s attitude may well have been a key contributor to Pilli’s first goal which came only 10 minutes in when a delicious through ball from team leprechaun Michael Tracey was beautifully finished on the half-volley some 25-yards out by playmaker Matthew Phipps. Woo!

The opening goal seemed to launch Bafana to an even higher class of football, which can be analogously compared as Bafana being Aaron Vom Bruch’s height and River being squeak. At this point it in the match it was even reported that Sportsbet Live had Pilli’s odds at 0.65c to win. This was further ratified when new recruit Daniel Costa scored his very first goal for the club, sending the crowd into ecstasy. In a flowing move Bafana wove their way into Rivers box, when a pass out wide reached Costa, who fired and angled shot low and hard into the old onion bag. However, this was only the beginning of the end for Bafana.

With Bafana still dominating play, River launched a counter down the grandstand flank until Pilli defender Jackson Versitano was ruled to have fouled his opposite man. It was from this set piece which River sent a low and hard shot along the ground under Bafana’s wall, only for interim ‘keeper Matthew Burg to somehow gift River a goal. Some say ground keeping issues are to blame – in which they would be 100% correct.

Bafana’s impressive play soon became interrupted with numerous chances including a Squeak goal ruled offside by the emphysema-bound referee. The end of the half saw Bafana’s luck drift from bad to worse with the referee ruling an alleged pass-back from Versitano to Burg – which many claimed to be a pathetic decision. As the story goes, River scored off a deflection from the indirect free-kick. Though the worst incident of the half followed the goal in the form of the two-carded dismissal of temporary ranga Kurtis Thompson from the game after expressing his emotions to the referee.

The coaching staff then had to focus on calming their side down at the half and focusing on playing a the style they are known for – though now with ten men, and getting the boys head in the right mind frame for the next 45 minutes courtesy of a master class motivational speech from Emily Gilbert.

A reinvigorated Berries side then took to the field and looked to earn there deserved 3 points from the occasion. Both sides maintained a spectacular brand of football in their quest to bag the ever elusive last minute goal, and unfortunately River were the team to break the deadlock to take the lead. 3-2 it was.

This didn’t stop a ten men Bafana side from throwing everything at them. Incredibly, stand-in captain Michael Treacy managed to pull one back for his side after a Phipps free-kick rebounded favourably for ti’ lil’ Irish man. This was Treacy’s first goal for the club and how important it was – with Pilli looking certain to have squeezed a brilliant point from the match.

Though it was not to be for the brave men in green and gold as River shot themselves level with a devlish shot from the edge of the box – gifting themselves a rather undeserved win. As the final whistle was blown Bafan fans remained stunned that at the final result which had rightly robbed of their team of three points.

All Square, Shit Reffing Again

LPFC U21's have missed a golden opportunity to move three points clear of fourth-placed Barden Ridge 1 after a gritty 2-2 draw was played out at Woolooware Oval mid-saturday. A goal each from Pilli midielder Foldi and winger Squeak was enough to see both teams share the spoils in what was a topsy-turvy match.


Fresh from a highly disappointing, yet controversial loss the previous week, Pilli, as well as the Ridgebacks, knew a win would do wonders in securing a top four finish. The corresponding fixture in the previous round had finished in a 1-1 draw. With Kurtis Thompson suspended and Clayden still injured Pilli resorted to the services of their youth squads once again, this time calling up U18's 'keeper Blake and defender Kenny, who together are known as Blenny.


Both sides began the match with an obvious intention to score as quickly as possible and it was to be Barden Ridge who had reason to celebrate first. A freekick was given away to Ridge at approximately 30 yards out, from which they took full advantage by sending a curling ball across a lucklustre Pilli defence who somehow managed to lose all their oppposition - leaving a whole line of beckoning Ridge players clear infront of the Pilli goal. Inevitably the ball was tucked away past a previously solid Blake.


Ridge's goal stunned Pilli, who realised there was a severe lack of communication between each other. Spurred with the defiance to not concede such a weak goal again, Pilli pressed on and were paid their own dividends barely five minutes later.


A lofting Treacy corner flew over almost everyones heads only for Foldi to rush in and smack a right-footed volley at angle into the back of the net to draw his team level. The goal was Foldi's first for the season and boy did he make that obvious - crying out a crackly prepubescent yelp which even Clayden would have been proud of.


The game continued at a balanced pace with both teams having the odd chance on each others goal, though it didn't take long before Pilli had turned the match on its head and shoved another one in there... ;)

A fluid movement from the home side found its way to the feet of striker Squeak who weaved his way between opposition players in their box only to be initially clipped - resulting in cries for a penalty, which were not heeded. Squeak, still with the ball, performed a well timed shimmy as fake as a wog chicks fingernails, to throw his opposing defender off his trail. Closing in on goal the diminutive striker cut back and once again was clipped by a defender - only this time cries for a penalty were heard. Squeak himself stepped up to the plate and comfortably buried his teams first penalty of the season - and possibly the only fair call they have received this season.


The final period of the second half then played out in a rather ordinary fashion, with possible signs of complacency sneaking into Pilli's game. On and off striker Alex Poulos had various chances to put his side further ahead but was shut down like a mother f**ker on each occassion.


After getting a s**t load of orange fibre stuck in between their teeth and the odd absence of an Emily 'Gilbo-baggins' Gilbert's pep talk, Pilli returned to the field for the second half.

Ridge started the second half significantly more brightly than their opposition and had numerous chances to grab an equaliser - which eventually came in the form of their twelfth man.

Pilli defender Daniel 'I'm not Australian' Costa was adjudged to have handled inside the area after an opposition player attempted a cross only for the ball to thump into Costa's compacted arms. Pilli were rightly furious with the referee for calling such a decision with some accussing him of compensating for his small penis and hence his inability to get any action - claiming that even Versitano gets more. As fate would have it, Ridge converted their spot-kick to draw level.


Both sides continued to play out a gritty encounter for the remainder of the second half, though Pilli were weakened by injuries to Clark and Fonseca, who may be out for a number of weeks. Fill in youth 'keeper Blake played out an oustanding game at the senior level - always radiating confidence and producing some critical saves which will surely have Clayden looking behnind his back when he resumes his duties.


In the end, neither side could take all three points on offer, a result which will probably leave both clubs in the same position but now further away from the top two - depending on their results.

Pilli Seek Vengeance

After two weekends of savage rain which left club grounds as wet as a motherf**ker, and hence unplayable, Pilli FC return to the pitch this saturday against Georges River Tigers - the only team in the comp to have beaten the former. Revenge is on the cards and Pilli will be sure to have an ace up their sleeve as they continue their quest for back-to-back premierships.