Expect feature articles from myself:
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Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, August 8, 2010
One Step Closer to a GF
Pilli FC U21's have claimed a glorious 3-1 victory over hoodoo team Barden Ridgebacks 1 - whom they have drawn with twice in their previous encounters. A highly productive first half put Pilli in the green with three successive goals coming from capitano Stephen Foldi, playmaker Matthew Phipps and the diminutive but dangerous Miguel Treacy.
Pilli's pre-game preparations had included a doubling of intensity in their training regime to not one, but to a spectacular workload of two training sessions - reportedly consisting of the cross-bar challenge drill for over half of both sessions. Who wants to aim for that puny 57.6 square metre vertical plane anyways?
Right from the get-go Pilli's intense new training schedule looked to be paying dividends. The Berries' hunger for the ball vastly overwhelmed a somewhat shocked Ridebacks side. More importantly, Pilli held their structural shape in defence - as expected after having the second best goals against tally throughout the season. Often, Pilli performed movements as slick as the surface waters of the Gulf Coast. Though, unlike the Gulf Coast waters - the plays faded away. Tactically, Pilli had an obvious edge over their opponents - with regular substitutions being made by coach Dan Andersson.
It was not until around the 23rd minute mark that Pilli took the match by the throat and then proceeded to repeatedly raped the sh*t out of it - all in the space of a stunning 20 minutes.
The first goal may, arguably, not have been as good as I've talked us up to be because 1) Foldi scored it and 2) Foldi scored it. After winning a freekick at 20 yards Healey stepped aside to let his midfield compatriot Matthew Phipps to take the shot - one which he sent curling viciously straight at the opposition 'keepers chest, which turned out to be covered in butter and not talcum powder (as Clayden does). The resulting impact and subsequent rebound landed straight at an onrushing Stephen Foldi's feet, who then miscued his initial shot but finally manage to guide the ball in as gently as you would caress an injured beaver...Anywho, the goal lifted Pilli's spirits to an extent, but nevertheless they knew that the game was far from over.
That was, until, a certain Matthew Phipps finished off some of his teammates either magical or sloppy play (I couldnt really tell). However his finish left no doubt in punters minds that Pilli meant serious business. After recieving the ball barely a yard from the box, Phipps took a couple-a-cute touches and with one mighty stroke sent the ball into the 'keepers bottom right corner - leaving him with as much chance of saving it as the Austrlian Sex Party coming to some sort of power in politics. Yes that is an actual political group.
A meager eight and a half minutes had passed when Pilli struck yet again - this time in the form of Michael Treacy. After a long ball was heaved upfield from inside Pilli's half, an energetic Treacy latched onto it beautifully and while still running, slotted a gorgeous placed ball to the keepers right - sending fans into raptures and me falling and slamming my fists on the grounds - only to get up quickly to look up if anyone had seen me. Not long after, the albino Mr Burrows look-a-like ref blew the whistle to bring a stunning half to a close.
So pretty much we ate oranges at half time and decided to go on the defensive to win. And Clayden once again didn't manage to keep a clean sheet. But that's ok because he had a decent game.
So! Pilli advance in their quest to win back-to-back championships. As soon as we know the time and place we are calling all blog readers to come and support us, because if and when we do win, we will have the biggest night out/celebration of our little lives. Sounds aight yeh?
Also, I will attempt to post video of the actual goals this week because I love you guys so much. Below is an excerpt of a conversation I had with midfielder Jacob Healey:
Healey: Dont forget I set up the three goals, I earnt the free kick, passed the ball to Phipps, then passed it to Treacy. It was a jacob game
Pilli's pre-game preparations had included a doubling of intensity in their training regime to not one, but to a spectacular workload of two training sessions - reportedly consisting of the cross-bar challenge drill for over half of both sessions. Who wants to aim for that puny 57.6 square metre vertical plane anyways?
Right from the get-go Pilli's intense new training schedule looked to be paying dividends. The Berries' hunger for the ball vastly overwhelmed a somewhat shocked Ridebacks side. More importantly, Pilli held their structural shape in defence - as expected after having the second best goals against tally throughout the season. Often, Pilli performed movements as slick as the surface waters of the Gulf Coast. Though, unlike the Gulf Coast waters - the plays faded away. Tactically, Pilli had an obvious edge over their opponents - with regular substitutions being made by coach Dan Andersson.
It was not until around the 23rd minute mark that Pilli took the match by the throat and then proceeded to repeatedly raped the sh*t out of it - all in the space of a stunning 20 minutes.
The first goal may, arguably, not have been as good as I've talked us up to be because 1) Foldi scored it and 2) Foldi scored it. After winning a freekick at 20 yards Healey stepped aside to let his midfield compatriot Matthew Phipps to take the shot - one which he sent curling viciously straight at the opposition 'keepers chest, which turned out to be covered in butter and not talcum powder (as Clayden does). The resulting impact and subsequent rebound landed straight at an onrushing Stephen Foldi's feet, who then miscued his initial shot but finally manage to guide the ball in as gently as you would caress an injured beaver...Anywho, the goal lifted Pilli's spirits to an extent, but nevertheless they knew that the game was far from over.
That was, until, a certain Matthew Phipps finished off some of his teammates either magical or sloppy play (I couldnt really tell). However his finish left no doubt in punters minds that Pilli meant serious business. After recieving the ball barely a yard from the box, Phipps took a couple-a-cute touches and with one mighty stroke sent the ball into the 'keepers bottom right corner - leaving him with as much chance of saving it as the Austrlian Sex Party coming to some sort of power in politics. Yes that is an actual political group.
A meager eight and a half minutes had passed when Pilli struck yet again - this time in the form of Michael Treacy. After a long ball was heaved upfield from inside Pilli's half, an energetic Treacy latched onto it beautifully and while still running, slotted a gorgeous placed ball to the keepers right - sending fans into raptures and me falling and slamming my fists on the grounds - only to get up quickly to look up if anyone had seen me. Not long after, the albino Mr Burrows look-a-like ref blew the whistle to bring a stunning half to a close.
So pretty much we ate oranges at half time and decided to go on the defensive to win. And Clayden once again didn't manage to keep a clean sheet. But that's ok because he had a decent game.
So! Pilli advance in their quest to win back-to-back championships. As soon as we know the time and place we are calling all blog readers to come and support us, because if and when we do win, we will have the biggest night out/celebration of our little lives. Sounds aight yeh?
Also, I will attempt to post video of the actual goals this week because I love you guys so much. Below is an excerpt of a conversation I had with midfielder Jacob Healey:
Healey: Dont forget I set up the three goals, I earnt the free kick, passed the ball to Phipps, then passed it to Treacy. It was a jacob game
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
What the Hawk? - A Jacob Healey suggested title
LPFC U21's have shared the spoils with a 9.5-man Menai Hawks 2 side after a 1-1 draw on a fine (the weather at least) afternoon. A level-headed penalty from Squeak Psarras handed Pilli the lead throughout most the match until Menai pulled one back to grab a thoroughly undeserved point and essentially end Pilli's chances of a top two finish. Pilli defender Jackson Versitano watched on from the stands - recovering from a groin injury.
Menai began the game fielding 9 players - reminiscent of the last fixture between the two where Pilli scraped through a 2-1 win in a match that lacked as much intensity as a Rafa Benitez goal celebration. Thus, a tedious atmosphere lurked in the squad who nonetheless were determined to make the most of their two-man advantage.
As expected, Pilli came out with guns (namely Damo's) blazing. The Caringbah-siders, Caringbanians or whatever other suffix can be attached to the word 'Caringbah' to specify a locale, passed the ball around the park beautifully and appeared to be succeeding in their mission. A number of times the ball was switched flanks by the back line (aka black line), a sight which has not been seen in as long a time as Adam Kwok, Matt Frost and Matt Borger. If a stats team had been present and the game broadcast on television, I'm sure a little pop-up would have appeared with a 90% possession stat in favour of Pilli. Each and every time the ball landed before a Hawks' player it would would be launched into row-Z (the various of trees surrounding the park).
As time wore on the same trend continued and Pilli became increasingly fustrated with Menai's tactical game. When the half-time whistle blew and the game still scoreless it was time for Pilli to recieve an inspired dose of citrus...oh and a team talk.
Re-energised and with that f**king orange fibre stuck in our teeth, Pilli vowed to not let the fustration creep in to their game. Also notable was the fact that Menai gained a player during the half.
Once again Pilli dominated proceedings as much the women in those fem-dom videos Clayden always trys to get me to watch (do not google it). Passing movement were slick in the midfield, with the flanks often supporting passmaster Healey well, who I might add has been affectionately been given the nickname 'Yellow Boots' by his opposition. If we can turn it into 'Yootsie' or something cute then I'm sure that would please him too. No? Ok, dw bout it!
It was not until mid-way through the second period when Pilli thrust themsleves ;) onto the score sheet. An early centre from Pilli leprochaun Michael Treacy resulted in an akward bounce in the penalty box for Menai defender and Thierry Henry fanatic 'Johnny' - who clearly attempted to control the ball with his arm, which for those who aren't fimiliar with the beautiful game - is considered a handball. The resulting penalty was finely tucked away by Pilli winger Squeak Psarras.
With Pilli now leading, Menai slowly attempted to work their way back into the game - often unsuccessfully, probably due to the two er...big-boned members of their squad...a.k.a the fat sh*t who told me to man-up when I got elbowed in the eye. Yeh you heard me...you wanna pizza me?
As the game wound down Pilli still were searching for another goal, a fatal tactical mistake. As luck would have it, Menai snatched a goal with literally the last kick of the game - with low-driven shot from outside the box. No wait. I was too nice there. Let me start again. WTF defence/centre midfield? Anyways, I considered asking Will to write something here but didn't want to get banned for overuse of profanity...and postage of innappropriate videos.
Menai began the game fielding 9 players - reminiscent of the last fixture between the two where Pilli scraped through a 2-1 win in a match that lacked as much intensity as a Rafa Benitez goal celebration. Thus, a tedious atmosphere lurked in the squad who nonetheless were determined to make the most of their two-man advantage.
As expected, Pilli came out with guns (namely Damo's) blazing. The Caringbah-siders, Caringbanians or whatever other suffix can be attached to the word 'Caringbah' to specify a locale, passed the ball around the park beautifully and appeared to be succeeding in their mission. A number of times the ball was switched flanks by the back line (aka black line), a sight which has not been seen in as long a time as Adam Kwok, Matt Frost and Matt Borger. If a stats team had been present and the game broadcast on television, I'm sure a little pop-up would have appeared with a 90% possession stat in favour of Pilli. Each and every time the ball landed before a Hawks' player it would would be launched into row-Z (the various of trees surrounding the park).
As time wore on the same trend continued and Pilli became increasingly fustrated with Menai's tactical game. When the half-time whistle blew and the game still scoreless it was time for Pilli to recieve an inspired dose of citrus...oh and a team talk.
Re-energised and with that f**king orange fibre stuck in our teeth, Pilli vowed to not let the fustration creep in to their game. Also notable was the fact that Menai gained a player during the half.
Once again Pilli dominated proceedings as much the women in those fem-dom videos Clayden always trys to get me to watch (do not google it). Passing movement were slick in the midfield, with the flanks often supporting passmaster Healey well, who I might add has been affectionately been given the nickname 'Yellow Boots' by his opposition. If we can turn it into 'Yootsie' or something cute then I'm sure that would please him too. No? Ok, dw bout it!
It was not until mid-way through the second period when Pilli thrust themsleves ;) onto the score sheet. An early centre from Pilli leprochaun Michael Treacy resulted in an akward bounce in the penalty box for Menai defender and Thierry Henry fanatic 'Johnny' - who clearly attempted to control the ball with his arm, which for those who aren't fimiliar with the beautiful game - is considered a handball. The resulting penalty was finely tucked away by Pilli winger Squeak Psarras.
With Pilli now leading, Menai slowly attempted to work their way back into the game - often unsuccessfully, probably due to the two er...big-boned members of their squad...a.k.a the fat sh*t who told me to man-up when I got elbowed in the eye. Yeh you heard me...you wanna pizza me?
As the game wound down Pilli still were searching for another goal, a fatal tactical mistake. As luck would have it, Menai snatched a goal with literally the last kick of the game - with low-driven shot from outside the box. No wait. I was too nice there. Let me start again. WTF defence/centre midfield? Anyways, I considered asking Will to write something here but didn't want to get banned for overuse of profanity...and postage of innappropriate videos.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Pilli Plunge Off Ridge
LPFC U21's suffered a controversial 3-1 defeat at the hands of a ruthless Barden Ridge 2 side and also, as many could argue - the referee. The loss is Pilli's first defeat in a substantial of games - clearly a statistic I cannot be bothered specifying because I just cbf looking back and counting. A late consolation from Pilli virtuoso Matthew Phipps minimised the humiliating sight of a 3-0 scoreline.
Pre-match talk primarily consisted and focused on the return of 'keeper William Clayden who had been out for a period as lengthy as a coloured mans' genitalia a.k.a. 3 months. The shot stopper had only managed a cluster of games early on in the season before f**king up his knee in training god knows how - and I'm not even religious. On the oppposite end of the spectrum, both Fonseca and Costa were absent due to illness and work, respectively.
The match began rather placidly and chances for both teams were limited to longe range efforts. As the half progressed, Ridge gradually eased into the game and began disrupting Pilli's play using pure brute force (guys, insert flashback of alien Halo villain). Ridges' tactics teetered on the edge of controversy as foul after foul was delivered to a significantly physically inferior but skillfully superior Pilli side - did someone say tongue twister?! No. Because I just re-read it and found it is actually pretty easy to say quickly. Now you just re-read it. Hehe.
The referee's reluctance to show Ridge players a yellow card was highlighted in a brutal clash between Phipps and probably that Lebo kent (not being racist, his nickname was Lebo, so chill the f**k out saadi - I love kebabs...and baclava <<<<--so good). Phipps, who had already passed the ball to a teammate was left crumpled when an opposition player swept him of his feet with a daft late tackle- both players clashing heads. Pilli's protests almost drowned out the vuvulzela's! . With Ridges' physical tactics now obvious it would be fair to say that they won almost every single aerial ball and hence controlled the game as much as Mel Gibson does women. Except we don't dress provocatively. The half rounded up in heartstopping fashion as Pilli 'keeper Clayden came off his line superbly in a one-on-one situation to deflect the ball around the corner and keep the score level. The second period began. And we let a goal in within 30 seconds. Annoying. Instead of describing the goal I will give you Clayden's exact quote of his opinion on the event. "Lilli pilli played the perfect off-side trap and the ref didnt call the fucking offside then he chipped me"
From then on the flood gates opened and Pilli conceded another two goals in quick succession. Will Clayden on the second:
"Kurtis got tripped and the ref gave em the free kick and they scored off the header. [I'm] still so pisssed at that ref "
I've always wanted to do one of those bracket things.
Pilli's only goal of the match came after a brilliant freekick from Thomson who curled it round for Phipps to rise high and send a glancing header into the 'keepers far post. We won an aerial challenge - I know.
The goal proved merely a consolation as Ridge held firm, even forcing Clayden into some gorgeous saves in what was an otherwise glorious return performance for the player. Costa's absence was noticable yet some may question whether Pilli simply need to beef up more or whether we should jump the referee next time on his way back to his car. The loss comes a serious blow to Pilli's hopes of a minor premiership and even finishing in the top 2, with consecutive wins necessary for the rest of the season.
Pre-match talk primarily consisted and focused on the return of 'keeper William Clayden who had been out for a period as lengthy as a coloured mans' genitalia a.k.a. 3 months. The shot stopper had only managed a cluster of games early on in the season before f**king up his knee in training god knows how - and I'm not even religious. On the oppposite end of the spectrum, both Fonseca and Costa were absent due to illness and work, respectively.
The match began rather placidly and chances for both teams were limited to longe range efforts. As the half progressed, Ridge gradually eased into the game and began disrupting Pilli's play using pure brute force (guys, insert flashback of alien Halo villain). Ridges' tactics teetered on the edge of controversy as foul after foul was delivered to a significantly physically inferior but skillfully superior Pilli side - did someone say tongue twister?! No. Because I just re-read it and found it is actually pretty easy to say quickly. Now you just re-read it. Hehe.
The referee's reluctance to show Ridge players a yellow card was highlighted in a brutal clash between Phipps and probably that Lebo kent (not being racist, his nickname was Lebo, so chill the f**k out saadi - I love kebabs...and baclava <<<<--so good). Phipps, who had already passed the ball to a teammate was left crumpled when an opposition player swept him of his feet with a daft late tackle- both players clashing heads. Pilli's protests almost drowned out the vuvulzela's! . With Ridges' physical tactics now obvious it would be fair to say that they won almost every single aerial ball and hence controlled the game as much as Mel Gibson does women. Except we don't dress provocatively. The half rounded up in heartstopping fashion as Pilli 'keeper Clayden came off his line superbly in a one-on-one situation to deflect the ball around the corner and keep the score level. The second period began. And we let a goal in within 30 seconds. Annoying. Instead of describing the goal I will give you Clayden's exact quote of his opinion on the event. "Lilli pilli played the perfect off-side trap and the ref didnt call the fucking offside then he chipped me"
From then on the flood gates opened and Pilli conceded another two goals in quick succession. Will Clayden on the second:
"Kurtis got tripped and the ref gave em the free kick and they scored off the header. [I'm] still so pisssed at that ref "
I've always wanted to do one of those bracket things.
Pilli's only goal of the match came after a brilliant freekick from Thomson who curled it round for Phipps to rise high and send a glancing header into the 'keepers far post. We won an aerial challenge - I know.
The goal proved merely a consolation as Ridge held firm, even forcing Clayden into some gorgeous saves in what was an otherwise glorious return performance for the player. Costa's absence was noticable yet some may question whether Pilli simply need to beef up more or whether we should jump the referee next time on his way back to his car. The loss comes a serious blow to Pilli's hopes of a minor premiership and even finishing in the top 2, with consecutive wins necessary for the rest of the season.
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