Rubbish Ridge Get Fucked Over By Pilli

Excuse the french...

Pilli have come out victors after a rugged affair with a particularly physical Barden Ridge 1 side, winning the match 1 - 0. A single goal from Matthew Phipps was enough to see his team through a match shrouded with controversy - mainly to do with whether or not the referee had dyed his eyebrows.

Pilli arrived to the fixture without the services of Costa, Clayden and Clark - or as everyone likes to call them - 'The 3 Muskateers". Jokes, no one calls them that! Heaps-funny-jokes-that-will-get-me-so-many-chicks aside, Pilli were fortunate enough to to have the likes of striker Alex Poulos and team manwh...defender Kurtis Thompson cleared of any injury. Replacing the unavailable players were Thompson Jr, Foldi Jr. and Phipps Jr. - all from Pilli's U18 youth squad. I purposely didn't mention you weren't playing Squeak since it would've ruined the whole muskateer thing.

The match began in the most unusual of fashion when the referee assembled both teams on a completely different field as to which they were scheduled to play on. The ethnic ref then went on to say something about how he probably has no life other than reffing D-grade football and how his mail-order wife makes the best tasting kebabs. No I'm not making generalisations.

Weirdness aside, Pilli began the match with the wind in their favour. Both teams took a while to settle and then ease into the game. Pre-match, Pilli had already discussed their plan to stay level-headed due to the referees' by-the-book reputation and they remained true to their strategy - though much less can be said about their opposition.

Ridge players constantly tried to bully their way to the ball and more often than not were not pulled up by a referee who seemed to be more interested in disciplining the sideline than the players themselves. One one particular occasion male model Fonseca tackled the shit out of one Ridge player, only for the faggot to try and stomp his tackler while on the floor. There was blood everywhere.

Nevertheless, Pilli remained defiant against their oppositions' dirty play and managed to grab the first, and what was to be the only goal late into the first half. Left winger Stephen Foldi sent a neat pass to Healey who was positioned about 30-yards out from goal. In amongst this move, a tenacious Matthew Phipps sped along past Healey who dinked a perfectly weighted through-ball over the defenders fat heads. Still running, Phipps controlled the ball and took a shot only for the oppositions 'keeper to block the attempt and send the ball straight back to the midfielder who made no haste in tucking away the second opportunity. After this Phipps pretty much had a shit game...LOL jks Phippsy you had a good game, don't get all sero at me.

Renewed, Pilli continued going forward against a relentlessly physical Ridge side. On on ocassion Fonseca let loose a curling left footed strike which looked promising, only to be caught well by the opposition 'keeper. Though, one of the best chances in the match went begging after striker and last week's hattrick hero Alex Poulos made a mess of a one-on-one situation with the Ridge 'keeper - maybe the suspicious stamp on his right forearm reading 'RnBSuperclub' was the reason for such a miss, or maybe it's just the fact he said to me pre-game 'omg man I've never been so drunk in my life as I was last night'...but those are just theories.

The second period began much like the first and sprouted no real golden opportunities although Ridges' controversial tactics ensued - the most serious occuring when Foldi Jr. was hacked down in his own-half, with Ridge refusing to kick the ball out and then one of their players calling out in 'hope' that the Pilli youths' leg was 'broken'. An example of this Ridge players haircut is shown below.

Enough said.

Matthew Burg continued to shine in between the sticks with another imperial performance and a second clean sheet along with it. The Pilli fill-in 'keeper caught opposition crosses and shots with breathless ease, seemingly like it was all routine. Burg also produced an incredibly important save late in the second half which would've almost certainly resulted in a Ridge goal without his intervention.

Jacob Healey, Michael Treacy and defender Jackson Versitano should also be commended on impressive performances. Healey often controlled the midfield with is pin-point passing, which earned him the prestigious man-of-the-match award. Last week's MOM Versitano used his build to good effect as he remained vigilant in the face of the tough-tackling opposition, while also constantly tracking back with his man. Treacy lived up to his probably-rigged title win of 'Team workhorse' and never gave up, sometimes even winning the headers against opposition who were probably worth 4-squeaks up on the squeak-scale.

Anywho, once the referee blew for time Pilli fans cheered in delight for their teams solid win - one which will possibly leave them within one point of the top of the table, a ranking which may well be swapped after next weeks exciting clash with Menai Hawks 2. Also, below I have posted this weeks referee's number plate and car model so do what you want with it, it's probably illegal I know but I'm willing to do time for this team such is my committment. And no I didn't actively seek these details out, the little chode was leaving as I was getting into my car.

XYT 567 Mitsubishi Verada

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