Where There's No Will There's a Way...to get a cleansheet.

LPFC U21's have finally had their bed linen returned from the dry-cleaners(probably asian-owned) with a resounding 3 - 0 win at home against a plucky Meani Hawks 1 side. Pilli striker Alex Poulos walked away with the match ball (which was already ours anyway) after scoring an immaculate hat-trick and lifting his side to a four-match unbeaten run.

Initially, Pilli began the day knowing they would be down three players - Clayden, Phipps and Treacy - due to injury, work and vacation respectively, meaning the bench would be cut down to just one. Staff were given further reason for concern when frontman Poulos made contact and said he was 'stuck in traffic' - which happens to alot of professional footballers these days. What've we all learnt from that? Live in the Shire.

Thankfully, Poulos arrived just in time and a further boost to team morale came in the unlikely form of Phipps, who was racing back from Smithfield (wtf) to participate in the match. Midfielder Matthew Burg stood between the sticks, filling in for the injured Clayden who was watching from the stands. All seemed well and just as the gap-toothed referee managed to blow his whistle to signal the start of the game.

Both teams began brightly, showing an obvious hunger for the ball. As the half progressed Menai displayed aerial prowess while Pilli dominated the ground play with some skilful dribbling and passing from their apparently good-looking midfielder Jacob Healey. Pilli's defence withstood a barrage of Menai attacks, holding firm in the face of some hulk reminiscent opposition. Though it was not until later in the half where Pilli saw their hard work pay its dividends.

A rapid, powerful run from head-band sporting midfielder Stephen Foldi payed off as he latched onto a through ball down the left flank and sent a wicked left-footed shot across goal, forcing the Menai 'keeper into a save, only for Poulos to react immediately to tuck the ball away in what was a true poacher's goal.

Trouble arose when Pilli left-back Paul Clark went down trying to tackle opposition and had to be carried off the field - leaving Pilli with no reserves. As the half drew to a close Pilli continued to work well, especially down the right wing with Daniel Costa sending numerous crosses in. Though, Poulos' tap-in was the only goal of the half as the referee signalled for half-time.

Both teams returned to the field looking rejuvinated and ready to commence the final half. Those oranges were so good.

It was barely five minutes in when Poulos grabbed his second - and what a confusngly incredible goal it was. After receiving a pass crossfield, the striker worked his way down the right side of the 18-yard box and fired a dipping half-volley goal-wards. Everyone remained silent, not knowing whether to cheer or continue with a goal kick - frankly no one knew it had gone in. The ball appeared to have hit the side netting and run along it on the outerside - only when Foldi ran into the goal area to check the balls position, screaming 'it went in!' (lol) to confirm the feat did the crowd burst into delerium and the referee blow for a goal. Alex, I'd just like you to know I never doubted you...

The game resumed with Pilli two ahead, returning to its normal pace though, with an additional air of suprise. Menai didn't have to wait long until Poulos again conjured up another magical goal. With his back to goal and 20-yards out, the striker twisted and turned, weaving away from his markers to send an extremely cheeky and skillfull chip over the 'keepers head and Pilli fans into raptures. It was later to be revealed that the player had not gone out the night before like every other game. Moral of the story: sacrificing the strip club for your team is always a good move.

Menai had it all to do with Pilli cruising three goals ahead. Nonetheless, there were still around 25 minutes left on the clock for Pilli to wind down and it should be credited to Menai that they ran it through to the final whistle, going close a few times only for a majestic display from stand-in 'keeper Burg to keep his side safe. Burg's timing throughout the match was split-second perfect, not to mention his safe hands. Lanky Pilli centre-half Daniel Fynn also put on both a brilliant aerial and ground performance, remaining quite sturdy throughout the entire match. Versitano also managed a good display and his development is becoming more obvious every week. It has to be said, midfielder Phipps and striker Squeaks' impact on the game were less than usual, hence their apparent absence was easily noticed - especially with the countless number of times Squeak was caught offside.

Pilli finished the game with 10 players after hat-trick hero Poulos was forced to leave the pitch injured - a worrying sign after Clark's departure.

Pilli's next fixture comes all the way in frikin' Barden Ridge against Barden Risdebacks 1. More news on this games' injuries to come so fingers crossed we don't have anymore dislocated knees because quite frankly, we don't kneed anymore of this (pun defintley intended, since it's heaps funny).